Ten days ago, I found myself in an undesirable situation, where I got involved in a destructive engagement.
Prior to the phone call, I remember I was in a rather relaxed mood. I was at home - a rather obvious fact during this Circuit Breaker period - comfortably dressed, properly postured with pillows around my work desk (I prefer sitting on the floor, using the chest-high thick wood living room table), with a list of tasks clearly scheduled in front of me.
I figured it would be a good idea to prepare for lunch slightly earlier than usual, since my younger son was also at home. "I can focus on work right after that," I convinced myself.
For someone who is used to camping in front of the monitor from 9 to past 1, preparing to have lunch at 12pm on the dot is quite an anomaly.
That was when the call came in.
An incoming WhatsApp voice call from The Director.
There was no reply to my daily chirpy greeting of "Hello Madam, how are you today?" All I got was a solemn "Have you sent the email?"
For someone who is very prone to anxiety attacks, I knew right away that if I do not manage my mental and emotional state at the time, that could easily be the trigger to my feelings of distress afterwards.
All of us, at some point in our lives, have to deal with stressful situations delicately and respectfully. Every response is different. Every difficult situation has its own challenges.
How then do we deal with undesirable, stressful engagements?
Here are some examples with solutions to help guide you in staying calm when you find yourself in such a situation.
When the other person is going through a stressful time, and they feel upset, help them calm down. If you can, listen to their frustration, offer them compassion and empathy. Talk to them about the solution to their concern. You will find that they will eventually settle into a more relaxed state. If the outcome is less than desirable, it will be best to apply the 'Silence Is Golden' rule. You will feel calmer when you keep silent without the need to argue.
When the other person is acting inconsiderately and perhaps is not aware of how their actions affect you, don't approach them just yet. Instead, let them calm down before you decide to talk. Sharing with them the impact of their actions on you will help them understand what they can change in the future. You will also feel less agitated or defensive.
When dealing with someone who is not willing to talk about anything with you, avoid leading them into a dialogue. Instead, talk to them calmly. Don't argue with them over anything and everything. In this case, you might want to get a third party to intervene. A counselor or a manager in the workplace could be the mediator in the situation.
When the other person becomes abusive, empathize with them. Learn why they feel that way. What made them think that way? Try to help them get the help that they need by being firm and setting your boundaries. At the same time, learn not to be hard on yourself. Regardless of the nature or cause of the situation, nobody deserves being disrespected or verbally abused. Feeling the need to feel defensive is normal; however there always is a better time or place to speak up for yourself,
At the end of the day, it is with thorough practice that you will be able to find peace from within. With a little bit of understanding, mindfulness and these practices, you can allow yourself to find calmness no matter how exasperating the situation may be.
May we always be in a state of calm and good mood, and be that beacon of happiness among the people who surround us!
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Elma is an Organizational Specialist by day and a Mood Scientist by heart. Visit her website.
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